Worka Worka Worka

I have this serious allergy to full time jobs, or maybe it’s the other way round. I can’t seem to glue with full time, and I mean a full-time paying job.

For the longest time I have been trying to land myself in the simplest job like Admin Assistant or Receptionist or Personal Assistant non seem to land on my lap.

I have long gave up on complicated, shift jobs that uses too much brain memory space. Seriously!

All because I need my brain for domesticate purposes.

Mainly because I Have got no external help from any sources for example my parents. They will only help my pick Zyan up on Fridays (a whole new story will tell you soon.)

I have got no maid to help me with chores and cooking. I am a neat freak so there is a lot of mental and physique activity going on there.

 Another thing is, I seriously cannot be mentally drained because I know when I come back from work, I need to attend to Zyan – shower, a little bit more homework that his day care teacher left out. Checking his school bag, make sure his uniform for tomorrow is ready, clean socks, cooking his pasta for dinner, wash up, clean up, vacuum, laundry (if any) and the list goes on.

So here’s my story with these 3 jobs I had, now no more.

Ending 2014 was tough because I decide to move back to my own place.

There was a lot of decision making and sacrifices – monetary wise, no doubt. It is like taking a huge pay cut and luxuries. Not that I buy luxury brands but travelling and getting to buy stuff for us at anytime I want, a lot of sacrifices going on there.

After 2 years of renting out my place, moving back was tough but there was privacy.

By the end of 2014, I thought well it is time to get serious and get a real job that pays according to my papers.

Oh but no.

I landed myself a job recommended by the agency, a Kids photography store, it looks all new and young and fresh, fun. They offered me that role of a Manager with quite an alright salary as a start. I waited 3 months when they decide to tell me they were having some financial matters with the investors.

I was frustrated, funds were running low. Need to pay bills.

So I decide to take it to my own hands and send my resume to another company that a friend recommended. A company dealing with luxury brands. So I land myself for an interview for the post of a sales associate BUT the human resource person offered me a higher role of an operations executive. You know what? I took it. It was with a very famous American brand, dealing with scents.

It was alright until business started to kick in and after Christmas, that was about 2 weeks into my job, shit starts to happen.

First things first, I know nuts about this industry. No one actually sat with me to go thru the whole process and documents and reports. Like where I can find the report, which folder in the systems. Cut things short, how the operations and SOPs, I need to do a DIY, some of the documents were from the scratch. So it took me quite some time to figure things out and put it together. There was no time for lunch, no time for anything. Work kept piling up, my weekends- Burn! I came to work anxious.

I was so tired everyday. Drained out. My boss wasn’t happy saying that I am taking too much time with work and I was not accelerating.

How to if I’m piled up with everything else! I need to do her Claims from the scratch, make a spreadsheet for her to track her claims. I also have to compile the regional commission and also do up a commission chart for all the regional stores. That’s Singapore, Macau, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia in all that’s about 15 stores. Oh not forgetting I was slapped with a KPI report that I have never done before, was taught how to do it in less then 5mins. Not only day I need to submit the daily sales to the bosses as well. Claims from staffs. And the list never ends. Seriously it was a doable job only if….

 I know I am a newbie. No one sat with me to go through what I really need to do thoroughly. It was tough and at the same time I don’t want to keep bugging them with “ how do I do this, how do I do that, where do I find this” most of the time in meetings, I was almost clueless.

I fell sick.

So during the 4 days of medical leave, I made a decision to leave the company. It was not doing anyone any good. Not even Zyan, I didn’t have time for him and I didn’t have much patience cos I was rushing to finish up my ‘homework’. I was cursing myself. I should have taken up the retail job. Pfft.

So I start to send out resumes again. interviewed. One even offered me a $1300 job but it was way to far for me. so i got home, did my calculations. I turned the offer down. I end up with no savings at all, after subtracting my bill, transportation, meal, groceries, cat's stuffs, YEAP - no savings.

Well in between I was  also doing transcibing, freelance with an organisation, and its homebased. 

Then, i land myself a job with a Bank, in the loan department. everything sounded and looked promising. the basic they offered was alright, the commission was also good. 

the nightmare came when training starts.

well it was alright at first. the learning journey was fun but those nights and day when you have to drill the product knowledge in your head, the calculations.

3 days to your exam and you are pushing yourself to the limit.but hey i made it 5 more marks to a perfect score. There it was my 5mins of happiness and then back to nightmare. Aural test in the next few days. It will be a role play. it sucks. i suck. i failed and kept failing. I knew I studied, I knew i could do it but my mind got blocked. I fail, I had to quit.

Maybe its God's way of saying this job is not for me. I dont know.

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I tried self-comfort, and trying to make sense of everything. What is wrong with me. Am I not meant to work or what? Or is it just me? What is wrong with me? God!! is it your way of telling me to be a better mom? I don't know man. looking for a job is frustrating. Going for interviews and rejections. going through a whole new environment, compromising your ideal salary. Makes me wanna puke sometimes. Anxiety you know.

 So now, I am back to being jobless. well not really i still have my transcribing- Thank GOD! at least abit of money rolling in and something to keep me sane but alot of earwax haha!

Back to adventure - yeap..when nothing is certain, it should be called adventure. See im consoling myself again.